The Lazy Way to Become an Olympic Athlete

I was always a pokey swimmer so I never participated in competitive swimming during high school.

But I still love to swim.

During the building of our new home in 1999, I lost every single design argument to my wife. Every single argument . . . except one – the swimming pool. If I had to win only one, I’m glad it was that one. Having a pool was the only thing I really cared about. 

Once we moved in, I immediately adopted a use-it-or-lose-it policy and swam every day. My routine wasn’t designed for competition as I just piddlepaddled back and forth leisurely. There were no heart palpitations and no loss of breath. However, I did improve rather dramatically and, as a result, got a bit full of myself.

When the 2000 Olympics cranked up that September, I took particular interest in the swimming events to see if I could glean any refinements to my technique other than needing to be 30 years younger, four inches taller, and ten times stronger.

Early in the action, Brooke Bennett, a 20-year old American, won the gold medal in the women’s 400-meter freestyle with a time of 4 minutes 5.08 seconds.

I mused, hey, I swim the equivalent of the 400-meter freestyle. Wouldn’t it be interesting to see how my time compares to Brooke’s?

My pool is 16 yards long. Since a meter is 1.0936133 yards, I figured if I swam 28 lengths that would equal about 409.65 meters.

Instead of my normal dillydallying, I planned to go full bore and leave it all in the pool, even if the fire department had to fish my spent body out of the water.

So I wouldn’t lose track of my laps, I placed seven of my son’s water pistols in a pile at one end of the pool. After each roundtrip I’d quickly move one pistol to the right. When all seven were moved, then on the following lap I’d start moving them back to the left.

I gave it everything. My lungs seared with pain, my muscles screamed for mercy, my heart raced wildly, but I continued the pace. I “sprinted” the last two lengths and grabbed for my watch. 9 minutes and 8 seconds. Subtract 12 seconds for the extra nine yards I had to swim and my time would have been 8 minutes and a lot of “change.” Depression engulfed me. I felt suddenly old. If this were a 50-meter pool, Brooke would have lapped me twice even before I was half done. I realized I was nothing more than a deluded, doddering dodo. I was ready to quit swimming altogether.

Each night during the Olympics, NBC did a segment that focused on some offbeat slice of Olympic life. That evening’s story involved the first heat of the men’s 100-meter freestyle. The commentator explained that the International Olympic Committee waives the qualifying times for those countries that don’t indulge in the competitive sports played during the Olympics. For example, Equatorial Guinea does not have swimming competitions. One reason is that the good people there don’t know how to swim. Therefore, the IOC allows anyone from there to compete in Olympic swimming without their first having to achieve the rather stiff qualifying times. Three “swimmers” took advantage of the IOC’s liberality and competed in the Olympics. They were Karim Bare of Niger, Farkhod Oripov of Tajikistan, and Eric Moussambani of Equatorial Guinea.

To give these athletes their Olympic experience, these three guys were put in their own heat. It took place at the crack of dawn when hardly anyone was in the stands.

Even still, the pressure must have been great because both Bare and Oripov got disqualified for false starts. That meant Eric Moussambani had to swim the first heat all by himself. NBC went on to say that Eric had learned to swim just six months earlier and that he had never been in a pool as big as the one we was about to dive into.

Eric started swimming as hard as he could. It was clear that he wasn’t accustomed to the 50-meter length because at the turn poor Eric was visibly pooped. After he valiantly pushed off for the homestretch, his stroke morphed into a flail, resembling that of a seriously distressed swimmer about to drown.

Initially the few spectators laughed derisively at him, but as he desperately thrashed away, the fans got caught up in the spirit and started to cheer him on. With each frantic stroke, it became more and more inspiring.

Eric Moussambani finished to a sincerely-given standing ovation and I got goose bumps. His time was one minute and 52.72 seconds. (For a frame of reference, Pieter van der Hoogenband of the Netherlands set the world record at those Olympics at 47.84 seconds.)

After I watched his painful performance, I realized that Eric Moussambani had just given me a chance to redeem myself. Even though I couldn’t come close to competing with the women’s gold medalist in the 400, I knew I had a fighting chance to beat Eric Moussambani in the 100 free.

I immediately marched off to the pool with my game face on. This was serious. Even at 54-years old, if I couldn’t beat someone who learned to swim six months ago, I was going to hang it up.

I took my position with a great deal of trepidation. I had done the math. I had divided my 400-meter time by 4 and saw that if I swam at the same pace, I would have lost to Moussambani.

I hit the start button to my stop watch and slammed into the water. I swam as if the Mob were on my tail. I would not allow my brain to entertain any thought of fatigue, pain, or need for oxygen. I ignored my frontal lobe when it pleaded for sanity. I was swimming to protect my manhood. I was swimming to keep my ego intact. I was swimming to justify my having a pool in the first place.

I touched the wall at the end of the seventh lap and turned off my watch. Merciful God, I beat Moussambani’s time by over fifteen seconds! I had been reprieved!

Epilogue: I have since stopped timing myself. It was making the idea of swimming down right unpleasant. These days, I am back to leisurely paddling back and forth, content to know that I am good enough to be an Olympic swimmer. All I have to do is move to Equatorial Guinea.   

www.lazyway.net

P.S. A kind reader supplied me with a link to a video of Moussambani's swim. Click here.

Comments

[Marisa]

Well i need to know what to eat and how to become a good athlete? HURRY!!

[britney]

Are you trying to tell everyone that you can still win if your lazy? That is dumb because without all the hard work I do in swimming I would not be where I am today.

[Fred Gratzon]

After reading your comment, I concluded that when you last climbed out of the pool you forgot to take your sense of humor with you. Go back and see if you can fish it out of the pool before it drowns.

As for me, I don't believe in hard work; I only believe in play, having fun, and doing what I love to do. If you aren't having fun as a swimmer, then I think that is a terrible shame. My definition of work is "if you'd rather be doing something else, then you are working." If you find swimming to be hard work, then I feel sorry for you. The top swimmers in the world LOVE to swim and can't imagine doing anything else.

[max]

Great Story! The man obviously loves swimming, he built a pool in his house. Even at a recreational level you have certain levels of expectation. You just assume that over time you will reach a certain level.

As an Olympian myself, i'm not to satisfied with athletes who replied to this in a negative manner. i'm a big advocate of sports at any level and always challenging yourself to do better, no matter your age or ability.

[bob]

disgustinnnnnn

[Therese]

I wanna be an Olympian. I actually want to compete in the summer olympics triathlon. I also only learned how to swim 8 months ago, did my first triathlon 8 months ago, and am training for my first Olympic distance which is this June. I do work hard with training. I am a CPA so this time of year is busy for me (Jan to April), so after spending 10-12 hrs at work, I go to my local YMCA to swim from 9:30-10pm (till they close and pull me out of the pool!). Other days, I would take a break at 5pm an go for a 5 mile run, then go back to work.

IT is hard work, I dont think there is a lazy way of doing it..

Does anybody know anyone at the Philippine Olympic Committee? I would like to represent my country in the triathlon event, and if chosen, I will work hard the next 4 months to make it to Beijing. If not this year, then I will wait 4 years and work hard till then...

Thanks for reading!

[Alexxis]

look if you think that your good enough to be an olympic athlete thinka again. So your time was about 1:30. well I'm only 10, this is my second year of swimming and my 100 fr is 55.60 seconds. Did you even watch the other events! FYI his time and your time both suck drastically. Practically one and a half minutes to simply go up and back! If I'm not good enough now to be an Olympic swimmer at my second year with that time than you will never be. So dont go around saying that your all that, cause your not.

[Fred]

Get a sense of humor, dude. You may be fast in the water but you are painfully slow on the uptake. In any case, good luck with your athletic endeavors.

[roger pete]

When you love what you are doing it takes a lot of negativity out of your system, in fact if we have more people loving their work there would be far less stress to go around. The need to achieve something is a state which resides permanently if you are not happy in the present. The only way to be happy in the present is to indulge in what you love. While working if you'd rather be doing something else then you are into hardwork and are working against your natural flow. There will come a time when work will not be what it is today, it will just be an expression of what we love doing rather than what we need to do. Like your sense of lightness Fred, the way you reply to negative comments speaks a lot for your state of mind which is always in the state of abundance.

[Angela]

I dont think people with times like that deserve to be in the olympics im a 15 year old girl and if i was there swimmimg against him at the olympics my time would have beat him by a lanslide. Swimming is hard work and then all the hard work payoff eventually. I enjoy swimming so much and work hard to make qualifying times. My time for the 100m free is 1:01 and that is pretty fast for a girl my age i dont think there is a lazy way of becoming an olympian. When i was little even if i was slow i still worked hard till i got faster.

[writing jobs]

You should go to national swimming team and show all of them who is chief! Newer give up!

[Links of London Sale]

It's great to hear from you and see what you've been up to. In your blog I feel your enthusiasm for life. thank you.